Sheesh, how'd I let that charmer go?! Several others wrote back similar insulting things which led to my deciding that ignoring the emails was the best option. This is contrary to my normal approach to life, but so it is. From the guy's perspective, I've had two guy friends tell me they would get their hopes up when they saw their mailboxes full, only to be disappointed when they discovered it was full of "thanks, but no thanks" responses as 23skidoo said.
I found a balanced approach worked best for me: However, if it was clearly a "form letter" seeking my attention and most of them were , I'd not respond at all. It's not rude to simply not respond. It's not even rude's second cousin. Not responding is so unrelated to rude that they don't even have the same number of chromosomes, legs or eyes. If you're not interested, you don't really want them to show up in your searches, so add them to your 'dead to me' list, too.
The other day, someone QuickMatched me.
Man handles online dating rejection by being polite and the world is shocked
Thing is, this caginess doesn't work; in my "who's viewed you" list it tells me when people have looked at my ad. I'm not an idiot. So I saw that I'd been matched. Looked at the profile, saw that we had a few things in common, but, frankly, I didn't find her physically attractive in the least, I found some of her hobbies laughable and worthy of derision, and she's married and poly; I am not poly-friendly. I sent her a note saying that I wasn't interested in my usual comic easy-letdown style. But a couple of hours later I considered: She responded to my note, but I elected to delete it unread and block her.
I was probably just feeling extra chatty. But the conclusion remains: I shouldn't have sent her a note.
I dunno -- I did the online dating thing for a while, and I always made a point of responding to anyone that had even made a token effort to read, pay attention to, and seem open to discussing stuff in my profile. There's a world of difference between "Hi, I saw on your profile that you're reading A Suitable Boy -- I read it last year and thought it was great, but didn't really care for the ending. How far along are you in it? You seem pretty cool -- if you'd like to talk books sometime, message me back!
LOL rite me back K" as in the first, I'd think, merits a "thanks, but I'm not really interested" and the second no reply. I have been on the sending side of personalized messages on OKC quite a few times. Getting no response to such messages is a common occurrence and it's totally acceptable. My current girlfriend who I met on OKC would always send polite rejections to guys who she wasn't interested in.
She eventually decided to delete her account because she couldn't deal with all of the messages that she felt an imperative to respond to. Given the trade off between getting courteous rejection messages and having more women on the site, I'd would pick the latter without a doubt. When people send the first message, they know they might not get a response.
It's not a big deal. If it seems like the fellow in question actually took the time to compose a thoughtful email based on what he read in your profile, the nice thing to do is to send back a polite message telling him you're not interested. If you get a message from a guy that just says "Hey what's up? I did the online dating thing for a little while as well, and a non-response is completely the norm. That's just the way it is.
It's not rude at all. Don't respond to someone unless you're interested. I think it's immensely rude to ignore messages that have been custom-fashioned to attract your attention. If I find a person on OKC interesting, I spend 20 minutes studying her profile and making comments and followup questions. It's OK not to be impressed, but I would appreciate 15 seconds of your time to know that you're not interested. Even with a form letter. Of course, those who don't put effort in shouldn't get it back. It's just a social norm I disagree with.
Unless that occasional profile comes along that looks like a match made in heaven, in which case I bash my head in wondering what she didn't like about me. Someone responded that recipients don't owe me anything. To an extent, this is true. But think of it in a more tangible context. Say a stranger walks up to me and asks what book I'm reading. I could keep reading like a deaf-mute and pretend he's not there, because, hey, I don't owe him anything.
It is safe to ignore the generic messages that don't mention anything in your profile, since they are more or less spam. Do a couple sentences about the weather, or that crazy water-skiing squirrel you saw on the YouTube.
Maybe I haven't run into many desperate men, but the conversation has always died fairly quickly after that. This method requires effort, assumes you aren't getting 20 messages a day, and carries a very small risk of ending up on a date with Ralph Wiggum. I hate to be rude too, but let's face it: Even the ones who can write a nice personal e-mail on round one may go mouth-foamy on you if you send a polite decline.
Being polite to everyone is not worth the amount of shit that a chick on the Internet is going to get for saying no directly. In fact, the person interrupting somebody reading the book is being rude. I know it's off topic, but I find nothing more rude than some stranger coming up to me while I'm reading trying to start a conversation just because I happen to have a book in my hand.
A book says "I'm more interested in this book than talking to people" not "hey come hit on me" posted by dipolemoment at 2: I agree with this completely. And, guys, you have to understand that women on these sites get entirely different attention than you do. Different in quantity and content. I think that if you receive an earnest email meaning one that is not just some general message that the person sends out to everyone it's your moral obligation to respond.
It's not easy to do if you have at least an ounce of compassion, but use that compassion to force yourself to respond. I think that most people perfer to know even if it's bad news. I know that I, as a woman, hate when people don't reply to my emails. Sometimes they answer my questions but clearly don't say anything else that would further the conversation, and that is my cue to bow out with a "thanks for the info".
I usually just thank them, say that I'm not interested and good luck. Saying you're not interested can be specific but don't get into specifics if you think it may be hurtful. And try not to lie; better to keep it vague and simple than get caught up in big lies. Good luck with dating! No one ever writes back to me and I like it that way!
Yeah, I also went the ignore-route when I received a message from a man on OKC that was obviously not a good match for me. It really did seem par the course. A few times I received messages that a lot of work and thought had gone into, from people who lived far enough away from me that even if I had interest I probably would not have attempted to take things further.
I would rather be ignored, in other words, than get a personal "not interested.
Rejection is built into online dating. Politeness should be too
And that way they won't be too discouraged to write that next message, that MIGHT garner them a positive response. Being ignored means that the person in question couldn't even be bothered to take ten seconds out of their oh-so-busy day to show some simple courtesy.
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Personally, I'd rather hear "Hey thanks, but no thanks" than a blank wall of silence; the latter is soul-crushing. Not everyone has the same definition of 'courtesy'. What is discourteous and soul-crushing to you is courteous and a non-issue to others.
https://absolutelyalex.net/wp-content/157/cozip-chat-de.php It helps to cast off any sense of there being a stigma to internet dating. For 20 years or so huge numbers of us have been seeking to meet in this way, and there are now more than 5, dating websites worldwide. Signing up can involve some uncomfortable self-promotion. Inevitably, people whom we have chosen not to approach then approach us. A degree of thick skinnedness is a prerequisite. And sometimes the mechanics of an app does the job for us. Tinder cuts to the chase or rather cuts out the chase by making it mutual interest or nothing. There are, of course, stages to choosing and to meeting.
The certainty, let alone the acronym, cannot help but suggest the opposite. Luckily, we had none. There are numerous, individually perceived reasons for a no at the outset. Generally, at least, they go unvoiced. In the event of mutual interest, stage two can be a phone call. Strangely, my experience is that this is more nerve-racking than meeting in person, and often unhelpful.
Even combined, photos and voices can work on our subconscious to build entirely inaccurate pictures. Does as has happened to me the acceptance of a second glass of wine indicate a level of interest for which you are then held accountable? We connect in the ether.
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